Saturday, August 28, 2010

Ballet Shoes

I know what it's like to have unfinished takes a long time, but when you are ready, when you are strong enough, we have your pointe shoes waiting for you.

Surrendering my life to God is a difficult process.  Sometimes the things that I want and the plans that He has for me don't match up when I want them to.  I try to yield to His will, but most of the time I have no idea what He is doing, and that is what makes faith challenging.

God made me one of the scrawniest creatures ever.  As a kid and a teenager I was so insecure about my long limbs and tiny frame.  I used to cry when people would make fun of me and ask me if I was anorexic, more when adults looked at me with all-"knowing" pity.  One day though, I discovered a place where I had the ideal body (albeit a long torso).  It's an art where music, movement, and spirit meet: ballet. No teacher will ever say to a healthy ballerina "you are just too skinny."  I had finally found my place.  But in my mind, I found it about 12 years too late.  Nineteen is not the ideal age to start training as a classical ballerina!

So I held back.  Oh, I loved it with all my heart.  I slept it and ate it and fell asleep with the Sugar Plum Fairy dancing in my head.  But, I knew that there was only so much I could give.  It was very clear to me that God never intended me to be a professional dancer: in part because I have zero turnout, but also because having a big family was higher on my list of priorities.

So, I have come to the place where I get to enjoy participating in this beautiful art form in my own way.  But I still struggle with the desire for more.  To get to experience the joy and pain of training all day every day.  To watch my body and my skill develop into something beautiful that touches people's hearts. What fun that will be!

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